Hiiiijole!

When studying abroad (or doing anything else, ever, anywhere in this world), some of the constants of life are perpetually having to adapt to situations imposed upon you without your consent, dealing with people whose opinions and tastes differ strongly from your own, using creative thinking to make the best of a sticky situation, keeping a cool demeanor in the face of adversity, and trusting that in the end everything will work out for the best.

Somewhere along my travels I encountered a fine example of this. It reads:


Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From
Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will
experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is
simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or
her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the
first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that
paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first
paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it
back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add
a third paragraph and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order
to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking
outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in
the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been
reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English
students:

Rebecca and Gary. THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't
decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be
her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of
Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But
she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His
possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much
her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.

(second paragraph by Gary) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant
Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4,
had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an
air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one
sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said
into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign
of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish
particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his
ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of
his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost
immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for
psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for
him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards
the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently
Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one
morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed
unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to
distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful
things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a
woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary) Little did she know, but she had less than 10
seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian
mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The
dimwitted, wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament
Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for
the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human
race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty, the
Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower
to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly
initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered
the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile
submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt
the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid
Laurie.

(Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this
mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic
semiliterate adolescent.

(Gary) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a
self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the
literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or
shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do?
I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
novels!"

(Rebecca) A**hole.

(Gary) B*tch

(Rebecca) F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary) Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER) A+ - I really liked this one.