Actualización final

This will be my last post from Mexico. A little later today I will get into the car that will take me to the bus which will take me to the plane which will take me to the other plane which will take me to the car which will take me to the house where I will spend the first night of what will be at least a year of nights in the United States of America. Whew. Sorry, when I'm tired I tend to rant.

That said, this is pretty much the official end of my JYA in Puebla. Whoa. Just whoa.

Maybe it's because it's pushing 2 in the morning, or maybe it's because I've just come home from my final goodbye party (which may or may not have included several kick-ass mojitos with the foodies), or maybe it's simply because it's too much to express rationally, but I am having a very hard time putting into logical words what I need to say. So I'll put it in emotions:

I feel so full of love for everyone that I have met here and who have shaped my time here in Mexico. I feel sad that I will probably never see some of them again, but happy that I know I will see at least a few of them many more times, both in this life and in those yet to come. I feel excitement to come "home" but immense trepidation at the thought of re-integrating into a culture/society that I'm not so sure I still belong to. I am so grateful to everyone in the USA who made this year possible, and to those who tried to stop me from coming; without them I never would have found my own voice. I feel great love for people on both sides of what I perceive as a rather large gap, and great disappointment that there are differences which simply may never be reconciled (between these two "sides" and within myself). I have spoken of this to many of my friends here, and most of the cooler ones have assured me that none of us can belong fully to any society and so trying to fit ourselves into categories like "Mexican" or "Gringo" are a waste of time. I would honestly love to believe them, but I'm a little dubious about it. Only time will tell, I suppose.

Anyway, life is beautiful. My bags are packed, I have said goodbye to everyone, and whether I like it or not my plane leaves tomorrow to bring me back to the life that I knew so well before coming here. I brought things with me, left some things here, and picked up some new things. The current of life streams onward and I plan to keep my head well above water, because there's too much to do and see to let yourself get pulled under.